


Realization

by septiplierhink



Category: jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: AccidentalMurderer!Jack, Arson, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Original Character Death(s), Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Porn With Plot, Prop Hunt, Protective!Mark, Raging!Mark, Rape Recovery, Self-Harm, Shy!Jack, Someone gets beat up, Suicidal!Jack, kinda self hate, ugh im a horrible smut writer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-05-18 15:58:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 16,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5934274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/septiplierhink/pseuds/septiplierhink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack is shy because of a past M/F relationship, nobody really noticed until now, but Mark helps him love again.</p><p>(Basically a past rape/non con fic where Jack is really nervous and shy. And bc im trash, this is inspired by multiple Netflix shows ^_^)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Something In His Past

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!  
> im sorry about not posting very much, it's because i've been going through some stuff. But im getting better
> 
> Anyway, this is a fic about a shy Jack and a protective Mark.
> 
> The prompt was from Kit_Kat101  
> (maybe Jack is really shy because of a past relationship that was controlling and Mark shows him what love is really like)
> 
> This was also loosely inspired by a 'How I Met Your Mother' episode called 'Spoiler Alert' (s3 ep8), How I Met Your Mother is also an amazing show so you should go watch it. It's on Netflix btw.
> 
> This is going to be a chaptered fic, i'll update it later next week (hopefully)
> 
> I've also never done a 1st Perosn POV before and im not sure if i pulled it off very well...
> 
> There might be some typos btw
> 
> Enjoy! ^_^

Jack's POV

(Flashback)  
I still remember it, just like it was yesterday. The pain I went through for her, it was unbearable now that I look back on it. People told me she was 'the one', I thought she was 'the one'. But now that I think of it, I wasn't happy with her, I was never happy with any girl. Maybe that's why I'm shy. Well, I guess I've always been shy, always been non-dominant.

And that's when I realized I was gay. That's when I realized I needed someone strong, someone 'manly' to protect me.

And Mark was the perfect one.

(Present Day)  
Mark and I have been together for four-ish months. It all seemed to happen so fast. I came out, he came out, then he asked me out. And just like that, as if it had happened in the blink of an eye, we were living together in Ireland. Is it normal for someone to move to a different continent for you after only four months? Maybe it is, or maybe it isn't but the point is that we're together now, we're happy. I have a brave, strong boyfriend to protect me, and he has a cute Irishman to keep safe.

We complete each other, however cheesy it may sound, it's true. We may look like a typical couple from a distance but something is very not-normal about my romantic behaviour. I just hope that Mark hasn't realized it yet.

Mark's POV

Life with Jack is great, Ireland is great, my entire existence is great, and I can't think of how life could get better right now. 

That is until Ken mentions something on Skype

It was just me, Felix and Ken on Skype. We were going to record something together but Jack is out re-dying his hair. I personally think his fading, pastel hair is cute but he likes it bright and eye-catching, much like his personality.

Anyway, me, Felix and Ken are just talking on Skype. We started out just simply chatting about new game releases but the conversation had wandered into relationships. I mean, it's kinda obvious. All my fans ever talk about now is Septiplier. But I shouldn't complain because I know it makes them happy.

So, we're talking about relationships when the topic of Jack comes up. I explain that he's out getting his hair re-dyed because he likes the bright colours, when Ken says  
"Have any of you guys realized that Jack is kinda shy off camera. Like, he seems so energetic and confident when we're recording but he can get really apologetic and shy when we're not."  
"Yeah, maybe there's something in his past that we don't know about. Dammit now I'm worried about him, you should talk to Jack about it sometime, Mark" Felix says

And just like that, I realized, there was something off about Jack. I never noticed until now, I don't know how I didn't realize it before. The way he doesn't use as much tongue as normal when we make out, the way he apologizes when I catch him singing, the way he feels nervous when he's shirtless infront of me.

Something had happened to him, and I needed to figure out what it was.


	2. He Is My Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, I have exams soon so i might not be updating this for a while (by that I mean at most a week), so this is little window into Mark's mind.
> 
> It's really short sorry
> 
> Also, I was listening to 'Like I'm Gonna Lose You' while writing this soooo, it's really sappy...

Mark's POV

Jack was home, he'd been home for a while. He was recording an Evie video. I was watching him through the door way to his office. I don't think he saw me, I hope he didn't see me. I looked at him in a whole new way. One filled with even more love, even more kindness and gentle-ness. He looked so hurt every time I looked into his eyes. He looked so delicate and so broken on the inside. Now that Ken had mentioned Jack's shyness, I couldn't stop thinking about it. How could anyone hurt Jack? My sweet Jack. How could anyone scar him like this?

I felt a little weird staring at him while he recorded, so I went to our bedroom and pulled out a notepad and started to write.

I wrote down everything I loved about him, every little detail that brightens my day. Someday I would ask him what happened, and someday he would fall apart in my arms and tell me what had scarred, and I would tell him every little thing that was wonderful about him. I'd tell him that I'd never hurt him, I'd never neglect him, never resent him. He needed to know that he meant the world to me. He needed to know that whatever happened in the past, was never going to happen again. 

I cannot describe in words how much he means to me. I do not simply _'love'_ Jack. It's more than that, it's passion, it's affection. He is my everything and he needs to know that.

_My beloved Seán,  
You are my everything.  
You are loved and you are perfect.  
Your eyes.  
Your hair.  
Your body.  
Your smile.  
Your laugh.  
You.  
All of it is perfect.  
You are my everything. _


	3. One Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter cause i feel like i haven't been writing enough...
> 
> might be some typos btw ^_^

Mark's POV

it was the evening, Jack and I had ordered some pizza and were now watching a movie. I didn't really pay attention to the movie very much though. I was going through what I would ask Jack, maybe I shouldn't mention anything at all. Or maybe I should, he might be suffering silently. I should say something, right? 

My internal argument went on for a while. Should I ask him? Should I not ask him? Anyway, I decided after a few distracted minutes that I should ask him. But now I have to decide whether to ask abruptly or discretely. I think abruptly would be the best.

But how do I say it without triggering him? Why is this so complicated???

I suddenly pause the movie and turn to my boyfriend.  
"Hey! I was really enjoying that" Jack calls out as the screen fades to black  
"Seán" I start off  
"Woah! Using my real name, this must be important" he replies with a smirk. I decide not to respond to that, but continue with my next question  
"Why are you so shy around me?" I ask calmly. Jack's face contorts into confusing and anxiety  
"Pl.. Please don't force me to answer. I don't think I'm ready to talk about it" he stutters, face going red  
"That's fine, but will you tell be one day?" I ask kindly  
"One day"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhh cliffhanger...


	4. So Beautiful in the Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He finally tells him.  
> He finally does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hulllooo,  
> okay so, I watched 8 hours of Law & Order Special Victims Unit to prepare myself for writing this chapter. I've always been awkward when writing sex scenes so I wrote Jack very awkwardly... Sorry.
> 
> Speaking of Law & Order Special Victims Unit, this is sorta kinda not really inspired by an episode called 'Parole Violations' (s16 ep17). It's also on Netflix btw.
> 
> Probably some typos...
> 
> *** just a side note: I have never been abused or raped. please don't worry about me, this is not a vent piece, I am a-okay***
> 
> ***another side note: possible triggers***
> 
> There are going to be more chapters (that are less disturbing) so stay tuned!
> 
> Enjoy ^_^ (but not really bc this was rape/non-con)

Jack POV

5 weeks later  
\---------------  
I'm ready, I'm going to tell him. I'm ready, right? I can do this. I can't bottle it up anymore.

It's a rainy day in Ireland... What and I saying, it's always rainy in Ireland. Anyway, yes, it's a rainy day, and what better setting to tell my boyfriend about my past abuse than a depressing rain storm?? Ugh, life is so hard.

I had asked Mark if he wanted to go out for a walk. He asked if I was crazy to go out in this weather, but I like the rain. It seems to happy and sad at the same time. The feeling of rushing water is quite indescribable, maybe 'rain' should be a new emotion. Oh what the hell, I'm think about rain as an emotion?? Goddamn me and my crazy Irish brain.

\---------------

So, Mark and I are strolling down a side street near my apartment. Fingers interlaced, hooded jackets brushing against each other. I have a feeling he knows that I'm going to tell him what happened all those years ago. But I think I should still make it obvious what I'm doing.

I stop in the middle of the street. Mark turns to face me, and I turn to face him.  
"Mark... I" I begin, but he cuts me off  
"Seán, I know, if you're comfortable, you can tell me, but to feel obliged to" He says, pulling me towards a nearby bench at the edge of an empty park.  
"No, no I'm ready..." I start again "Oh how do I start?" I say redundantly with a nervous laugh  
"Just be calm Jack, be calm" Mark responds, smiling kindly  
"Okay, so it would have been two years ago" I say, oh fuck me am I actually doing this.  
"And I was with this... Umm... well this girl. And uh we'd been dating for a while. Nothing serious, but I could tell that it was becoming more and more like a one-sided relationship. One-sided on her behalf, I didn't really feel the same way as when we started out, y'know?" Ahhhh this is so weird, actually telling people your problems is so new to me.  
"And well, I just didn't have the courage to break it off, ugh I feel so stupid looking back on it now, I mean, if I had broken it off quickly, this might have never happened." I continue  
"Oh yeah, I totally get that, go on" Mark says nicely  
"Right, so, I had umm... I had finally decided to break it off, and well, she uh... she wasn't very pleased with my decision. She was saying stuff like 'who do you think you are?' and uh 'you won't get away with this' I wasn't sure what she meant until, well, until it was too late" I say, my breathing is heavy and flustered  
"Oh" Mark says in acknowledgement, nodding his head as I talk  
"So, umm... She grabbed me by the uh... the uh..." I stutter, I can't seem to find the right word to say  
"Collar?" Mark asks, finishing my sentence  
"Yeah, yeah collar. So she grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and pulled me into our... um bedroom." I'm still stuttering, I feel almost too nervous to continue, but I do  
"And she uh... she pushed me onto the bed, and well, she undid my belt. I told her to stop, I told her." I protest, as if Mark wouldn't believe me  
"Shh, shhh be relaxed, I believe you." He says, rubbing his arm up and down my shoulder, pulling me slightly closer onto his side  
"Yes, where was I? Right, she undid my belt and... umm slid my jeans off. At this point I was screaming. I was screaming, I wasn't stupid, I knew I was going to be raped, or at least molested" I protest again  
"She... uh she put her hair up in a ponytail, then... umm she..." I'm shaking, stuttering. Mark can obviously tell. But I can get through this.  
"Easy Jack, take a couple breathes" He suggests. And I do, just like I was always told, in through the nose, out through the mouth. I take a couple seconds to collect myself, then continue.  
"Then she tied me down, and umm..." I fall apart, tear mixing with rain on my face. I was stupid to think that I would get through this without crying. But I can get through this none the less.  
"She pulled down my boxers, and uh... well y'know, used her... mouth." I say, before continuing once again  
"I reacted the way any guy would, any non-asexual guy. I really didn't want to do it. But my screams were muffled she was just ughhh" my broken sentence trails off. I'm practically sobbing now.  
"She was just so.... just so dominant. So... threatening. I felt so... so powerless" I say, protesting  
"No, I understand Jack. Take your time" Mark says calmly. HOW IS HE CALM??? I'M A SOBBING MESS.  
"Mark, I swear I didn't want it. I told her so many times to stop. She just wouldn't. I didn't tell anyone else because who would believe me? A woman raping a guy, who would believe that? I'm sorry, I'm uh... Such a mess, such a fuckup" I say through sniffles and sobs  
"Seán, Seán calm yourself, it's all fine now. You aren't a fuckup, you may be a mess, but it's for a valid reason. What she did was not right but I will never do the same. I will never hurt you. Never neglect you. Never resent you. Seán, you are my everything, please believe me when I say that when I'm with you, no one can hurt you." He says, holding me close to his chest. His eyes are filled with empathy. Goddamnit he looks so beautiful in the rain. Everything looks so beautiful in the rain.  
"Thank you Mark, thank you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda proud of not dying while writing this...  
> anyway, there will be nicer chapters in the future, I PROMISE.
> 
> ***Short note: Women can rape other people. Men are not always guilty. Rape is rape. It doesn't matter the circumstances or any other details (such as outfit or makeup), rape is rape. Victim blaming is wrong. Very, very wrong.***
> 
> please leave a comment about what you thought/feedback because I've never written anything that wasn't GA or TU before ^_^


	5. Close Encounters at the Mall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet.  
> In real life.  
> aaaand Jack is still shy and Mark is protective
> 
> Inspired by 'Nothing Between Us' by Destrey Smith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello,  
> so I feel SUPER guilty about not posting so often. sorry
> 
> but anyway this is the latest chaper, it's not great but I think it's good enough for now at least.
> 
> the lyrics that are through out the chapter are from Destrey Smith's album Sailing Home from track 09 called Nothing Between Us.  
> It's a rEALLY good album btw
> 
> And incase it's not obvious.  
> THE RAPIST IS IN NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM A REPRENTATION OF JACK'S CURRENT GIRLFRIEND.  
> im sure she is a nice young woman and is not a rapist.
> 
> Probably some typos  
> And im sorry if the italics didn't work...  
> ***warnings: mature language, possible triggers***

Mark POV

Maybe Jack should get out of the house. I mean, he seems kinda down lately. Not as bad as before though. I think he needs more closure. I dunno, I just feel like he's still not the happy, bouncy Jack that everyone sees on camera.

Some fresh air would do him good.

Oh but where would we go? We can't go to the park because that'll bring rape flashbacks. We can't really just stay outside because of yet another rainstorm. So, somewhere in doors, somewhere distracting. The mall. Yes, the mall. They'll be lots of distractions and I want a few new shirts anyway.

So yes, we will go to the mall.

Jack POV

I'm just editing, as usual. I'm always doing something for youtube. My entire life is youtube this and youtube that. It's getting stressful. I'm just not the same anymore. Maybe I should cut down in my videos. Y'know, give myself a break.

Ugh, or maybe I shouldn't, i don't want to let down my subscribers. Life is still so hard sometimes.

Then Mark walks in.

"Hey, Jackaboy" he starts "whatcha doin?"  
"Just editing" I say, sounding flustered  
"Well, how about you get some fresh air" Mark says, I nod as he continues  
"Maybe we could head out somewhere, I was thinking we could go to the mall"  
"That's an idea, I guess we can go" I say as I save and close my editing program  
"But is it what you want to do?" Mark asks, obviously putting my needs first as usual  
"Yeah" I say with a smile, who knows, maybe it'll be fun "Yeah, that sounds good"

\-------------------------

Jack POV

(At the mall)  
They day is going fine, quite well actually. I'm laughing, smiling and I generally just feel better. Mark spoils me, I don't deserve him. He's too cute. Too sweet to waste his time on someone like me.

And there its is again, my self-hate. I don't like being this way, I want to be happy, I want to be comfortable with life. I dunno what it is, I'm too shy. I told Mark about my abuse. It's not locked up inside any more, I should be fine. Right?

And for a moment everything is fine. Just briefly, I'm happy with myself. She's [the rapist] behind me, out if my life, in my past. 

That is until now.  
She is down the hallway.

Our eyes lock. My heart is racing. I feel as though I'm gonna pass out.

_You pushed me aside and left me here with nothing_  
_My heart was lost the same day_  
_When I saw you turn and walk away_

It's just like before, all my muscles stressed, body shutting down, blood running fast.

Everything about her, her hair, her clothes, her face. Everything brings back those memories. Those times when I cried until I ran out of tears. Those times when I'd cut so much that I'd pass out. Those times of feeling worthless, weak, insignificant. Those times that were filled with hate. Hate for her and myself. 

_I never thought that I'd end up here_  
_You've shut me outside but not like this_  
_You pushed me away then pulled me back in_  
_But this is the last time_

Oh I must look like an idiot, both to her and to Mark. Why am I so awkward. I didn't want to be this way. I didn't want this to happen to me. I didn't want any of this. I didn't want anything.

Anything.

Once again, I feel worthless. weak. Insignificant.

_Constantly thrown by the sway of emotion_  
_The things that you did is what set this in motion_  
_(Woah oh)_  
_There's nothing between us_

My heart is pumping fast. I'm just standing there, helpless. Mark is distracted, he's on his phone.

How is this happening?? I didn't even know that she still lived in Ireland.

I am motionless, petrified, utterly stunned by her captive glare. People running and rushing about all around us, loud noises and bustling stores, But life seems stopped.

Finally, _finally_ I turn to tap Mark's shoulder. He looks up.

But it's too late.

_Calling your name in the dark alone_  
_Why can't I just seem to forget you_  
_And all of the things that you did to me_

She comes rushing towards me. Towards us.

I'm so gonna faint. I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna collapse right here. In the middle of this shopping mall.

"Hey Jack" She says, smiling like nothing ever happened. That bitch. She changed me. My life. My career. She changed me more than anyone knows.  
"Oh don't you dare" Mark blurts out before I can say anything. He must have recognized her from my old instagram photos that I was too scared to take down.  
"Excuse me?" She asks, sassy just like always. She continues  
"Who would you be?"  
"Well, I'm Mark, Jack's boyfriend" Mark says proudly but sternly.  
"Ugh" she coughs, "I always knew you were a fag". Now that one hurt, I'd never had anyone be homophobic towards me in person.

Luckily we're in an almost empty hallway, near the washrooms. So this wasn't creating a big scene or something like that.

_I was the only bridge you had left_  
_Now tattered and torn beyond repair_  
_Reducing to ash and smouldering rubble_  
_Reflections upon things you do_

"What the fuck?" Mark cries, not caring who can hear. He's so protective and strong. It's nice to know how much he cares. She waves him off. But still focused on him.  
"You're cute. Y'know that?" She says. Pursing her lips into a 'duck face'.  
"Just back off okay" Mark says, annoyed and pissed off. I feel so small, just standing by as my abuser and my boyfriend feud with each other.  
"Make me" She says, still sassy, and still bitchy. Oh crap, this isn't going well.

_Why can't you see that our future is closing?_  
_The gears have stopped working_  
_The clockwork's imploding_  
_(Woah oh)_  
_There's nothing between us_

"Well, Mark. You're in for it" She says. I'm confused. What in earth is going to happen??  
"Bring it on, bitch" Mark slurs, passing his phone to me. I'm lost with this conversation, clueless. What's happening?  
"Well you asked for it" She shrugs before pulling Mark into the single stall bathroom.  
"MARK" I scream as the door shuts. I run up to it to open it. It locked automatically. 

My boyfriend is trapped in a room with my exgirlfriend who raped me.

_Nothing you say will bring me back_  
_It's too late for that_  
_All the time you wasted_  
_Can't fall for you again_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I call this one cliffhanger pt2
> 
> And btw, the next chapter will start right where this one left off...
> 
> kudos/comments are much, much appreciated ^_^


	6. For You, I Have to Risk it All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written as directly after chpt 5  
> Mark is trapped in a washroom with a rapist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so wow  
> This chapter is not what I planned when I first started writing it...
> 
> I feel like Mark would never ever be this brutal but... Okay...
> 
> Probably some typos, and the title of this chapter is from 'Writing on the Wall' from 'Spectre' because, I dunno it's a good song and it won an Oscar ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Okay where do i start with the warnings.
> 
> ***warnings: mature language, descriptions of violence, blood, mild slut shaming, suicide attempt mentioned, self harm mentioned, kind of darkiplier but not really***
> 
> Hope you enjoy (i guess)  
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Jack POV

"MARK" I scream again, as if that's going to help. How is this happening? No it cant be happening. This is a nightmare. No, no it's not real.

I can tell myself these things, but that's not going to change reality. Because I know that this is real life. This is happening, and it's probably the worst thing that could have happened.

"Mark, _Mark_ " I cry out again, pounding on the door. I should've probably gotten help or at least called security, but my mind is totally fucked right now. All I can thing about is her. 

Her and Mark.

Mark POV

(One minute earlier)  
"Bring it on, bitch" I counter back. I feel kinda bad for using language like that in public, but honestly, she's a sex offender. I feel strong now, standing up for Jack is probably the best feeling. Because I really love him and I want to make sure that she gets what she deserves. How could she hurt Jack like that? Jack is so sweet, so caring, just honestly the nicest person I know. I don't know how fucked up someone would have to be to do something like that to him. Like, c'mon it's Jack, wonderful, beautiful Jack.  
"Well you asked for it" she retorts while shrugging. What does that even mean? What's happening?

The next thing I know, I feel her grip on my wrist. Nails piercing my skin, I can start to feel blood flowing out of the cuts. But I'm not fast enough.

'SLAM' the door shuts.

'CLICK' it locks.

'SMASH' my back is slammed against the nearest wall.

"So, Mark." She starts, while pinning me against the wall, her grip on my wrists are too strong. I mean, I'm a strong guy, but this, this is superhuman. "What's it like to be a homo?"  
"I don't know? What's it like to be a rapist?" I snap back, trying to loosen her grip  
"Oh come on! You know Jack wanted it, just like I know you want it now" she says, while moving down lower to (I'm assuming) take off my belt.

Her face is now mere inches from my waistline, still with a firm grip on my against the wall.  
"Wrong move, slut" I cry, kneeing her in the jaw. And OH MY GOD, what is her jaw made of?? Titanium?? I feel like I've fractured my knee cap, but obviously I'm not really worrying about the pain right now.

I jump forward, kicking her in the gut as a reach for the door.  
"MARK" I can hear Jack yelling from the other side of the door. Fists slamming against the metal structure. 

"JAC--" I start before I can feel duct tape around my mouth. DOES THIS BITCH JUST KEEP DUCT TAPE LYING AROUND??

She turns me towards the mirror, I can see the reflection through my cracked glasses. Duct tape over my mouth, jeans ripped, shirt torn. And she's standing behind me, nose bleeding, a dark bruise forming at her jawline. This is a nightmare

"Get the fuck off" I try to say through the duct tape. But it probably sounds more like 'Gmmt thhm figm immf'.  
"Try to say another word, I fucking dare you. You don't wanna know what I'll do if you try again" she says, pulling me into a headlock. If I could talk, I'd probably say something along the lines of 'how could this get worse?'. But I just nod, thinking over what I'll do next.

The thing that she doesn't realize is that she's behind me, which means I have a good angle to kick her.

She's tying my hands together, I recall Jack saying sow thing about her tying him up. I guess something's never change.

'KICK' I kick backwards, in between her legs. She's not a guy, but that's still gotta hurt.

"Oh, you asshole. You wanna play? I'll fucking play." She says from where she is in the floor. I try desperately to untie my wrist. They weren't even fully bound so it can't be that hard. Almost in a split second. She's back on her feet. Swinging a punch at me.

I quickly reach up to grab her hand and- what?  
I actually do, breaking free of my bonds, I grab her wrist. Giving her 'a taste of her own medicine' and digging my nails into her skin.

Before she was time to react, I twist her arm back, on the verge of snapping the bone.

I've got her right where I want her.

"Okay, okay, you got me. We can work this out." She says pleadingly. Raising her other hand as if to surrender. I rip the duct tape off of my mouth with my free hand.  
"Nice try, you fucker" I nearly yell back. I slam her head against the sink, triggering another bloody nose. Then I push her to the ground. Towering over her, I place a foot on her throat.

"You fucking bitch, do you even know what you did to Jack. You changed him and everyone in his life. How does that make you feel? I found his bloody razor blades, I found his pills. You nearly killed him. You nearly drove him to suicide. How does that make you feel?" I scream, almost making sure Jack can hear me.  
"Ahugh-" she tries to talk, I just press my shoe further into her windpipe. I would never do this normally, I guess I just have a lot if built up rage.  
"If you ever try to touch anyone like that again, you'll be sorry. Trust me" I say, it's a compete lie, it's not like I'm going to personally attack her. But I think the guilt might get to her eventually.  
"Go to hell" I shout. It's probably the last thing she remembers from that day because I follow that statement with a kick to her head.

Her eyes roll back into her head. I check for a pulse, because yes, it would be nice if she died but I think a domestic assault charge would be better than a murder charge.

Yep, she's still alive. Blood still running from here nose, face covered in bruises, blood gushing from cuts in her wrist.

WHAT??!?! I snap out of whatever rage-induced haze I was in. 

I've just brutally beat up a rapist. Damn, should I feel good or bad?

"Mark? Are you okay?" I hear a worrying Jack call from outside the washroom.  
"Yes Jack, oh my god, yes I'm okay" I say while checking my reflection. Almost forgetting that I cracked my glasses.

I too have a bloody nose, along with bruises. Dried blood on my wrist covered by dark circles from the bonds. It's painful, really painful. But I did it for Jack so it's okay.

Before leaving the washroom, I look down again. The woman, lying there, unconscious, bloody, bruised.

She is worthless.

I open and close the door quickly so that Jack doesn't see her lying there. His face is tear stained. Eyes red and irritated from screaming and sobbing. Arms out stretched, pulling me into an embrace.

"Seán" I say softly as we both hold each other close  
"Mark" he whispers, repositioning his hands, pulling me impossibly closer to his body. "I thought you were going to be raped"  
"Me too Seán, me too" I say back, while pulling away, starting to wipe the tears from his face.  
"Mark, what happened? You're bruised and bloody. And your glasses are cracked. Your shirt is torn and your jeans are ripped, are you sure you're okay?" Jack says, sounding worried. Fear striking his eyes.  
"I'm fine Seán, I'm fine now" I say "You're fine now. We're fine now" I say as we embrace again. Smiling uncontrollably because we know it's all okay now. 

It's all okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, that was harsh.
> 
> There will be less disturbing chapters in the future, I promise.
> 
> Tbh, im really enjoying writing this.
> 
> I've never really written a fight scene before, so please leave some feedback in the comments :)))
> 
> As always kudos/comments make my day, year and life so it would be nice if you could do that ^_^


	7. Damaged Goods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sticky notes.  
> despression.  
> kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello peoples ^_^  
> so this is just a short chapter bc I was feeling creative and was kinda obsessed with this story line.
> 
> im sorry if this fic is going all over the place and seeming really unorganized but Im trying to get better at writing. So please bear with me while I work out the problems with my writing style.
> 
> Yeah, so this is just a bit of despressed!jack because I've been feeling pretty depressed/suicidal the past week. I also started cutting yesterday so you'll see more cutting in the future chapters.
> 
> I know I keep saying that there will be more less disturbing chapters in the future, and I know I keep writing pretty dark stuff, but I PROMISE that there will be a nice, cute fluffy ending to this once Jack deals with his fictional depression :)))
> 
> Probs some typos btw...
> 
> Without further ado, here is chapter 7: Damaged Goods
> 
> Enjoy ^_^

Mark POV  
Okay, so it's been 2 weeks since the 'mall incident' as I called it. I was nearly overjoyed when I got a call saying that no charges were pressed. I think she's still toying with my emotions.  
Jack's emotions. 

Life is better though, youtube upload schedules are back to normal, views are up, and we might even get a dog. I miss having a dog in the house. But having Jack here is even better. I don't need acceptance from an animal, I need acceptance from Jack, and he needs acceptance from me. Which I certainly do give. He is wonderful, creative. And hopefully recovering faster. I don't often want to question him about his depression, I know it's a touchy subject for Jack. He hasn't come out to the youtube community about his abuse or depression, I think he's not quite ready for people to know that the happy, bouncy 'jacksepticeye' is not really that person on the inside. 

The stigma really gets to him. Seeing people being bullied in the comments about depression and other mental health issues of that sort really bothers him. Of course he always stands up for the person being bullied, but people assume it's because he's a caring person, not because it's killing him on the inside too.

Sometimes I worry about him. But he knows now that sleeping pills are for actual sleeping not for passing out, razor blades are for shaving not for cutting and fire is for heat not burning. I hope he understands that I care about him. I hope he understands that everyone cares about him.

I leave him notes everyday, sticky notes in his recording space. They started a few days after I got out of the hospital (from my injuries from the fight), they're cheesy but I like them, and he likes them

The first one said  
_today is the first day of the rest of your life, don't waste it_

The second one  
_you've made it this far, through the hurt and the heartbreak, you made it this far, never stop_

the third one  
_Jack is gay_  
_gay is happy_  
_Jack is happy_

I kinda like that one, it cracks me up, I don't know why. It's just seems so cute an innocent.

And thank god am I happy it's true because I don't know what I'd do if Jack wasn't gay, if you know what I mean ( ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡° )

\--------------------

Jack POV

Mark is too nice. Honestly, he spoils me, these notes are so cute. It's been almost two weeks since he stuck the first one to my monitor.

(Flashback)  
I woke up early, earlier than I planned on waking up. I was going to record some videos in the morning and edit in the afternoon. That was basically my schedule now. 

So yes, I woke up, and checked my phone for the time. My screen blinked on and it read '6:57am'. Ugh to early. I don't care if regular corporate people are waking up at 5:30 to go to work at an office building, 7am will always be too early for me.

I turn the screen off, falling back into the bed. Sighing, should I get up now or wait? While I'm internally battling with myself, I feel the duvet covering my shirtless body, slide off me and further into the bundle of blankets that most people call Mark. I almost forgot that he was there. 

I turn over, facing the sleeping American, hair a mess, stubble shadowing his jawline. He's so adorable, so blissful and clueless to the rest of the world. He even forgot to take his glasses of before going to sleep. What a dork. A cute dork.  
My cute dork.

I take his glasses off, and place them on my bedside table. Then turn back to his tanned body. Even with Mark being cute, adorable, sweet, caring etc. he's also incredibly sexy. I'd probably tell him that more often if I felt less self-conscious about my own body.

After removing his glasses, I cuddle even closer to him, wrapping my pale arms around his broad form as lean in to kiss him. He's asleep so he doesn't kiss back, but after a few seconds of one-way lip lock, he kisses back, waking up in the process.  
"Is there a reason you woke me up?" Mark nearly moans into the kiss  
"You took the duvet" I say between breaths, placing a hand on the back of his neck and the other one on his bare chest  
"Guess you'll have to cuddle closer then" he says, pulling me closer to his blanket fortress. I pull away, annoyed that I have to go record.  
"I have to go" I say, breathing still heavy from our morning kisses  
"Oh sure you do" he says, smirking but smiling at the same time  
"No really, I have to go record" I say sadly. Removing myself from his grasp. "But we can go out for lunch or something, I promise" I add, trying to make up for my early start.  
"Sounds like a plan" Mark says, while blowing me a disgustingly cliche kiss as I leave the room.

I meander through the halls of our apartment before dropping myself down infront of my computer. Then I realize I'm still shirtless. I'm such an idiot, I need to go back and get a shirt before I start recording. 

I'm about to go all the way back to our bedroom, but I notice a green sticky note, stuck to one of my monitors.  
It says  
_today is the first day of the rest of your life, don't waste it_

I blush.  
I tear up.  
I cry.

Mark is too kind to me. Too caring, he doesn't deserve someone as beaten and broken as me, I'm damaged goods.

But I guess we all are, in our own way.

(Present Time)  
Where was I? Oh right, the sticky notes. Yes, it's been a little under two weeks since the first one. I cried at some of them, never telling Mark, but he knew I was happy. He knew I liked them. But today's. Oh today's hit close to home. Probably too close. I wasn't crying because I was happy anymore. I was crying because I was broken.

_your skin isn't paper, don't cut it. your face isn't a mask, don't hide it. your life isn't a movie, don't end it_

Tears rolling down my face as the paper drops from my grasp and onto the floor.

This is supposed to be motivational, because as far as I know, Mark doesn't think I cut anymore, I tell him that I stopped, but I don't think I'll ever stop harming myself. I don't think that she'll ever leave my thoughts and memories. Because I'm damaged goods.

Always were.  
And always will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh the storyline is getting stormy *dies*


	8. Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay I wasn't even sure if I would post this, but I did anyway.
> 
> It's really more of an idea than an actual chapter, but it's just something to intrigue you guys until i post the next chapter. To keep you on your toes if you will...

Jack POV

Okay, everything's okay. I'm alright. Mark's alright. Everything is okay. Nothing could be better. I'm fine. Completely fine. 100% fine. Couldn't be better. Life's great. Everything's great. Did I mention that I'm fine? Yes, I'm fine. I really am. I'm not paranoid. Not at all. I'm completely alright. Everything's normal. Everything's fine. Life is 10 outta 10. Nothing to see here, just a normal guy living a normal life. I'm fine.

Okay... I might be lying...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, that's trash.
> 
> Moral of the chapter: Jack's not okay.
> 
> fyi: most likely posting the next chapter tomorrow ^_^


	9. Hate and Texts and More Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't a mistake.  
> Okay, it probably was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should have posted this yesterday, but I didn't sorry...
> 
> Spring break is super soon so I promise I'll do more writing then.
> 
> Anyway, short chapter. All Jack POV because I was feeling lazy xD

Jack POV

I can't do it.  
I can't take it anymore.  
and by 'it' I mean her.  
and by 'her' I mean the bitch who abused me. Who abused Mark.

I hate her. I know that hate is a strong word, but it's true. I hate her and everything she cares about. Every person she ever said she loved means nothing. Every little bit of happiness she would ever have means nothing. I hate her.

But as much as I hate her, I know that Mark hates her more. He's never said those specific words, but I can tell. The way he looked after he came out of the hospital, the tears I could tell he was suppressing when I told him about my abuse, the burning desire to obliterate her life. I can see it in his eyes. It's those little things that make me sure that he hates her more. Because everything that she did to me breaks Mark's heart more than it did mine. I can tell that when he sees through every little fake smile and forced laugh. I can see a little piece of him rip apart every time he finds blood on my sleeves. Every time he finds me passed out in broad daylight. It's killing him more than it's killing me. 

It needs to stop.  
She needs to stop.

\--------------------

Finally, finally I have some free time. Even if it's only a matter of hours, It's still free time.

"Hey Mark" I say as I grab a jacket and my keys  
"Yeah" he responds from the kitchen  
"I'm gonna head out now, get some fresh air" I shout back  
"Okay, be back in an hour or two?" He says while walking towards me  
"Two at the most, I promise" I say before kissing him on the cheek and opening, then quickly closing the door. I can hear it lock before making my way to the building elevator.

Since Mark and I had moved into a new building, we lived on a very high floor, 26 to be exact. So the elevator took the better part of a minute to reach the lobby. Before stepping out of the elevator, I scroll through my texts, going back years. Until I find the one conversation I thought I'd never have to use again. With her.

The last message was from a little more than two years ago. I'm tempted to look back through the months of texts, to relive the pain. Because, well, to be honest, I was becoming addicted to pain.

I probably thought out what I would text her a billion times. Something filled with rage and hate. Something to release my anger. But no, I simply type  
'Hey, meet me at the entrance to the distillery district in half an hour' almost instantaneously, I get a response, as if she was expecting a text.  
'I'll be there, miss you' is all she texted back.

Okay, okay this is great, I invited my abuser to come meet me, that'll go over well in court. But this isn't a mistake.

Okay maybe it is...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a plan don't worry.
> 
> Okay, I can promise that the next chapter will come out next week sometime ^_^


	10. Blood, Bricks and Bodies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Closure, finally closure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry, I should have posted this days ago but i have a major panic attack on the day i was going to write it and I couldn't. Sorry.
> 
> my writing still isn't perfect, this might seem kinda rushed, sorry again
> 
> Probably some typos...
> 
> Anyway, this is a graphic chapter, im not going to spoil to much so just read the warning and enjoy ^_^
> 
> Warnings:  
> -graphic descriptions of violence  
> -blood  
> -possible triggers  
> -mention of rape  
> -and another thing that I will leave a surprise

Jack POV

The air is cold around me, wind whipping at my face. But I don't care, I've spent the last five minutes nervously looking in either direction. Looking for the one woman I thought I'd never see again. It's been 40 minutes, where is she?

I look out into the road, scanning the sidewalks in every direction. Then worryingly look back at my watch. Then at the road again. Then at my watch.

Just thinking about her gives me chills. I can barley stand the thought of her not being convicted for anything she did. It's what keeps me up at night, and what keeps me alert during the day.

Honestly, I'm proud of how far I've come. I used to be a helpless boyfriend, being abused and ordered around. Now I'm more courageous, more confident. I asked her to meet me for crying out loud. Ugh I just hope I made the right decision.

"Jack" I hear from my left. Oh I recognize that voice, I would recognize it anywhere.  
"Oh- Hey" I say while turning to face her. Stumbling and startled. It's just like before, muscles tensed, heart racing. I hate feeling like this, feeling nervous, anxious. It gives me flashbacks, horrible images scattering in my mind.

"Are you okay, Jack? You look a little lightheaded" she asks placing a hand on my shoulder. I cannot even express how uncomfortable I am with this, i never ever want her to touch me again. But I need her trust right now.  
"Yeah, no I'm fine. Just need to walk a bit" I say, placing my fingers at my temple.  
"That's fine, you lead the way" she responds. Her voice sounds so caring, I guess that why I trusted her.

We enter the distillery district building, passing through the brickwork arches. The space inside is quite averagely packed with a few groups of people. All bantering about the newest micro-brew something of that sorts.

We take a seat at a table, sitting on high bar stools. She sets her backpack down on a neighbouring chair.  
"Was there something you wanted to talk about? You seem upset" she says, pouting her lips. How can she pretend like nothing ever happened? Does she not realize the emotional stress she caused me? Does she not care about how she totally and utterly changed my life, my career, me?  
"Yeah, but that can wait" I say as if I care "what's new with you?"

She adjusts her posture, probably not expecting me to be thoughtful at all.  
"Nothing much, new boyfriend though" she explains. I think  
'Oh great, a new man's consent she can completely disregard' that's just great.  
"Oh good for you" I say, only making conversation. I don't know how long I can keep this up, I'm not sure if she can tell that I'm acting fake, but I just need to stall her for a few more minutes.  
"That's enough about me, what's new with you?" She says, head rested on the hand, she really does look like she genuinely cares about what I'm talking about. But I can tell that's probably not true.  
"Oh same old, same old. Just a lot of youtube stuff." I explain, only half lying.  
"Is there something else you wanted to talk about? Because I doubt you'd ask me here if you didn't have some important to say" She says, almost judgementally.  
"Yeah, actually there is. Do you wanna talk outside?" I ask in response. Hoping she'll take up my offer. Oh god, am I actually going through with this? I think I am.  
"Sure, whatever's good with you is good with me" she says. That makes me so utterly angry and disgusted because I know [from experience] that that's not true.

\--------------------

We walk out the back door of the building to an ally way behind the main part of the distillery district. There are pipes and bricks scattered around. It all seems quite messy but, then again, the conversation we're about to have will be quite messy too.  
"Hey, look" I start, trying to gain confidence as I lean against the nearest wall, her facing me. "Do you even have any idea what you did to me? Do you have any idea how wrong that was?" I yell at her, releasing my built up anger.  
"Jack, you're overreacting" she argues. And honestly, I might be going a little over the top with the yelling, but, I mean, cut me some slack, she abused me.  
"Just shut up. You don't even know the first thing about rape recovery. You will never know what that is like, so don't play the victim here. Do you have any idea how you totally fucked up my life? And it wasn't just me, you had to bring Mark into this?" I nearly scream, exasperated as hell.  
"Don't bring Mark into this, not even your stupid boy toy can save you now." She retorts, as if I care, she can threaten me all she wants but no one is going to do what she did to me again.  
"If you think that's a reasonable threat, you should just wait." I say, I don't even know what I means but it sounds menacing, so eh, good enough.  
"Two can play at this game, honey." She says, dropping her bag, cracking her knuckles.  
"Oh fuck you, you know how this ended last time. You got wrecked by my boyfriend" I tease, taking a fighter's stance while adjusting my hat.  
"Mark is one thing, but you are another. You think you can beat me up? Feel free to try" she says in a 'bring it on' sorta way.  
"I'd be glad to" I respond while lining up for a punch.

But I was too late because all I can feel is a blunt pain in my side. I look up to realize that she's thrown a pipe at me.  
"Use of the surroundings, nice" I say while cracking my jaw. I kick her in the gut. Then throw brick at her knees as she's falling.

I can start to see blood nearly pouring out from the rips in her jeans. I can tell that she won't be able to stand up again.

The ally way is narrow and quiet. No one is near us. No witnesses. Nothing. Just the cold autumn air whipping at me. Whipping at her as well. 

I think it's actually sad what I want to do next. I was never that kind of person. But I know that there aren't any security cameras out here. And as long as I take her phone when leaving I should be fine. Right? Ugh I just hope it works.

My train of thought is broken when I hear  
"Hey, you've already done half the job. You got me on my knees. You know what to do next." She says it quite seductively. Yeah right, like I would ever do anything sexual with her. I haven't even done anything really sexual with Mark, and I'm not the kind of guy who would have public sex.  
"Actually, I've got something different in mind if that's okay with you" I say while mirroring her sexy tone. This is insane. Am I actually doing this?  
"Anything for you, anything at all" she says even more sexually than the last time. 

Oh she actually has no idea what I'm planing to do. This should be fun I guess. Well, not fun at, but satisfying.

I grab a pipe from the ground, it's cold in my hands, rusting at the edges. Sturdy, strong. It'll be good enough.

I lift her up onto her feet with my free hand. She's obviously surprised  
"Jack, what are you doing?" She asks almost concerned.  
"Just stand here" I say, positioning her parallel to the nearest wall, still steadying her with my free hand because she's still to injured to stand with her own weight. "And be quiet" I add before swinging the pipe at her gut.

"J...Jaaack" She whispers through her exasperated breaths, I knocked the wind out of her. She's struggling to breath.  
"Sorry I can't hear you" I explain, this is liberating, I've been waiting almost three years for this. It's everything I expected it to be. Standing up to people who've totally disregarded my well being is amazing. I mean, I guess I don't have to brutally beat her with a pipe, but, eh close enough.  
"Jac... Jack please" She begs, how funny, she's the one begging for it to stop this time.  
"Sorry, what was that?" I ask sarcastically.

I push her up against the wall. Her head smashes against the hard bricks. I can start to see the blood cascade down the copper stone and into the dirt. My eyes are filled with anger, fire. It's overwhelming, I've never felt like this before. There's just so much rage, so much hate, such a lust for revenge.

I bring the pipe up to her neck. Placing a hand on either end of the brass structure. I begin to push it further into her throat. I can feel it as she struggles breath, her breaths become faster, more rushed.  
"Jack... Please... I'm begging you" she pleads breathlessly again, hoping that her cries will save her. But nothing. Nothing, can save her now.  
"Oh and how does that feel? Wanting for something to stop so badly, but they just won't stop. Begging and pleading for it to stop before it's too late. Nothing can help you now. Nothing you say will bring you back, it's too late for that" I shout, nearly crying. I just want this to be done. I just want it to all stop. Her breathing, her voice, her heart. Everything. I want it to stop.

"Jack... Seriously... I'll do anything" she whispers through the crushed breaths. Her chest heaving, gasping for the last amount of air she has left.  
"Anything? How about you go to hell" I say, pushing all of my body weight on the pipe. 

She's desperately gasping now, lungs rushing for air. One moment she's moving fast, scrambling, flailing, trying to save herself. Then the next, nothing. 

It stops, everything stops. No more movement, no more gasps, no more breaths. Nothing.

She falls to the ground, landing sideways dirt covering up her head wound. Blood still pouring from it, slowly. Her face, still with a twisted smile. Creepy like always.

She's not moving at all. Not at all.

I lean down to her, checking for a pulse.

Nothing.

Dead.

I start hyperventilating, I've just killed her. Oh god, what do I do? I grab her phone from her bag and run. My first instinct his to run and never stop.

I run as fast as my feet will carry me. Leaving her behind, in a mess of pipes and bricks and blood. 

\--------------------

I run all the way back to our apartment. Not ever stopping for even a second until I reach the elevator. The doorman tries to make conversation by saying  
"Good evening, Jack" but I'm not in the mood for socializing. I'm still terrified. I swear I would never ever kill anyone, but evidently, I did.

The elevator seems to small, like there's not enough air. I feel like I'm gonna past out. my breathing is too fast, my heart rate is too high. I couldn't get out of there any faster. Once the doors open I rush to my and Mark's unit. Fumbling for my keys. I can barley see through my tears. 

I quickly unlock the door and nearly slam it shut behind me while throwing my hoodie on the floor and taking of my hat.

"Jack?" I can hear Mark ask from somewhere else in the apartment. I run to where I can hear the voice coming from.  
"Jack are you okay?" Mark asks again when I'm in the living room.

We're standing roughly two meters away from one another. He can see my eyes watering and the tears running down my face. I can tell he's concerned  
"Jack, what happened?" He asks again, I can tell he's worried.

I just stand there for a couple seconds, more tears rolling down my face. I take a moment before just saying  
"I did it, Mark, I did it"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the bad thing is, im not even sorry.
> 
> Okay maybe I feel a little bit bad, and I sorry that that murder was so badly planned. I promise im good at planning murders, I shouldn't tell people that, but im not stupid [when it comes to murder at least]
> 
> my friends at school/online where like "kill her. you have to kill her" so I did.
> 
> I just think that jack [and mark] needed the closure, and the 100% chance that they'll never see her again.
> 
> Comments/kudos are my everything btw  
> <333


	11. The Next Day: Mark's Side of the Story Pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack fucked up.  
> Then he fucked up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just start by saying how incredibly sorry i am that I didn't post this sooner. I know it's only been like 8 days and that I probably shouldn't feel so guilty but im Canadian so if I don't apologize enough i practically die lol
> 
> Anyway, for anyone who is up-to-date on this fic, you'd know that I was originally going to post this chapter on Thursday last week, but I had a few major panic attacks and never got around to writing it. Then I was going to post it on Saturday but I was in the US. (And for anyone who cares, I actually had a great time, I spent most of it watching mark in a blanket cave cuddled up with a cat while eating pizza, so yeah, I had a pretty great time). Then I was going to post to post this on Monday but I've actually been starting to draw this as a web comic, so I've been spending most of my time working on that. 
> 
> So, now it's Wednesday and im finally posting this, it's only about 500 words, but there will be a part 2 to this chapter that will be posted either late tonight or tomorrow.
> 
> Sorry about my outrageously long notes haha
> 
> Hope you enjoy, and please let me know, do you like longer, less frequent chapters or shorter, more frequent chapters? And would you guys re-read this as a web comic?
> 
> Thanks ^_^

Mark POV

_You can't have a rainbow without a little rain, and you can't have love without a little pain_

Jack told me everything that happened. 

Everything.

It breaks my heart to see him so emotionally beaten down. He's usually so... up beat, so happy. I can't stand to see him like this. And he probably can't live like this either. He should probably get therapy, but, I dunno. He was never really that able to talk to people about his emotions before he met me. And even now, I'm pretty much the only person he's ever told about this whole situation. I'm just scared he's getting worse.

I mean, duh. Of course he got worse, he just fucking killed someone for god's sake. But I guess there's always the storm before the rainbow.

Wow, that's one the most cheesy and one of the gayest things I've ever said.

\--------------------

Godamnnit Jack, you have got yourself into such a mess. How will I ever get you out of it?

"I don't know what happened... I... I just wanted to talk to her. But all my emotions just exploded. I felt like I wasn't myself. I would never kill someone, Mark. I swear" Jack explained to me, tears clouding his vision, sobbing uncontrollably. He was sat at the corner of the couch, hugging a pillow close to himself with his knees pulled up to his chest, rocking back and forth at a constant pace. I had tried to physically comfort him. Y'know, cuddling him, letting him cry on my shoulder, holding his hands. Nothing worked, but I could understand why, I wouldn't want to be touched at all after what had happened either.  
"Oh you must think I'm insane, I'm a fucking murderer for crying out loud. Fuck. You're going to leave me aren't you? Who would want me? I'm useless. I tried to talk to someone and I ended up choking them" Jack cries doubtingly, probably annoyed and feeling like he fucked up, and to be perfectly honest, he has. But he doesn't need to know that, right?  
"Jack, Jack, calm down you just need t-" I say peacefully, reaching for his hand. Ugh I'm the worst with situations like this.  
"I need to what, Mark? Do I need to go back in time and not kill someone? Yeah. Do I need to be smart for once and not get raped? Yeah. Do I need to not be dating a fucking idiot? Ye- oh" Jack blurts out, nearly screaming. His eyes are not the usual bright blue they normally are, they're more of a grey, looking nearly lifeless inside.

"Mark, I didn't... I shouldn't have.. uh" Jack stumbles, realizing what he did. Oh gosh he looks like he's gonna pass out. I'm hurt quite honestly, but I guess I should let it slide. He's a mess, a broken, sobbing mess.  
"No, Jack. It's uh... it's fine, just get some sleep" I suggest while leading him to our bedroom, though it's really more of a command. I can barley even imagine what he's thinking. Probably that he ruined his relationship with me, and that he's a failure, a fuckup.

Jack should know that I'll always love him, though I've never told him that. I think he loves me, I hope he loves me. But after today, I guess I can't be sure anymore.

But what I'm gonna do next, I'm not sure if he'll ever love me after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okayyy, a little drama nver hurt anyone ;)
> 
> Im so sorry for that wink, but im not taking it back now haha
> 
> Anyway, yeah if you could answer these in the comment i would love that.
> 
> -do you like longer, less frequent chapters or shorter, more frequent chapters?  
> -would you read this as a web comic? (my digital art skills aren't perfect but i'd say they're above average)
> 
> Super long notes today sorry xD
> 
> kudos/comments make my day :)))
> 
> also, subscribe is you want, but obviously don't feel obliged to ^_^


	12. The Next Day: Mark's Side of the Story Pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark might have fucked up more than Jack this time.
> 
> Basically arson and mark breaking the forth wall a lot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okayyy, two chapter in one day.
> 
> You might have realized that I re-arranged the chapter, but I just thought i made more sence that way.
> 
> Yeah not much to say...
> 
> Enjoy ^_^

Mark POV

I had tried to get Jack to go to sleep. I made sure that he was comfortable, that he had the right type of pillow, that he wasn't to cold or too hot. But nothing helped, I could tell that he was trying to fall asleep, but he just couldn't. Constantly tossing and turning, kicking the bedpost and shoving the duvet off the bed several times. 

He seemed... disturbed, but I guess that a normal reaction given that he just... well um... you know what he did.

\--------------------

It was nearly 6am now, Jack still wasn't sleeping. But he'd stopped kicking and seemed pretty dedicated to finally getting some sleep and putting this horrible day behind him.

I knew I would be difficult for him, maybe even worse once he finally got to sleep, being confronted with horrible nightmares. But Jack is usually a strong person, he'll get through it. I think...

\--------------------

Fina-fucking-lly, Jack is asleep. He's lightly snoring, face sunk into his pillow, duvet only covering half his body. But he looks pretty content, I think he'll sleep through the rest of the night, or rather the rest of the morning.

I'm trying to be as quiet as possible while attempting to leave the apartment. It helps that my clothes are still on the floor from when I took them off only about 4 hours ago. Black jeans and a black hoodie, it'll help me stay nearly invisible to anyone who might see me walking around Dublin at 6am. It's still dark outside, actually quite odd for this time of year but I guess it helps me today.

I slowly open and then close the door to our bedroom, being careful not to wake Jack up from his much deserved sleep.

I sneak off to the bathroom and grab a lighter and a bottle of hairspray. Why do we have a lighter in the washroom? I don't fucking know. And why do we have hairspray? I don't fucking know either. I guess this'll work as a make-shift flame thrower of sorts. At least I hope it will. Or else, I'm pretty much fucked.

Why I want a flame thrower you ask? Well... um... 

\--------------------

The air is cool, not quite cold, but cool. I'm starting to think having only a hoodie wasn't the best idea. But the hood covers up my hair so I guess that's a plus. The bright blue locks concealed by nothing but dark fabric and the shadow of a far off sunrise. 

Damn why am I so poetic now of all times? Ugh today is gonna be rough.

\--------------------

I pass under the iron framework arch marking the entrance to a grey-ish building. Though I can't really tell what colour it is, I can read the lettering on the sign up above, it reads 'The Old Jameson Distillery'.

Wow okay, I'm actually doing this.

I approach the doors, hooking my arm around the handle so no fingerprints are left behind.  
Locked. 

The distillery doesn't actually open until tomorrow so there shouldn't be anyone there. There's no one around. It seems almost abandoned. 

Alone and abandoned.

I try to recall what Jack had told me only hours ago.

(Flashback)  
"It was the back ally, empty, only bricks and pipes scattered around. Narrow and lonely. I felt like the walls were going to close in on us" Jack shuttered, snapping his neck back as if it was physically painful for him to re-tell what had happened. 

He was leaning over the table across from the kitchen, eyes focusing on something in the distance. Desperately trying to focus on anything but the fresh memories in his mind.  
"All I can remember was her body dropping to the ground, head bleeding, blood flowing down the bricks behind her" He says while turning to me, looking nearly dead on the inside. Hurt and broken.

(Present time)  
_Back ally. Lonely. Narrow. Bricks and pipes scattered around_ little pieces of Jack's re-telling come back into my mind, circling my brain.  
_Her body dropping to the ground. Blood. Bricks behind her_

Okay, easy enough. I need to find a back ally, with narrow walls, bricks and pipes, and well... a body. And I need to find it before Jack (or anyone else) wakes up.

\--------------------

I rush to the back of the building, streets going off in what seems like every direction. It seems overwhelming. But there is one ally, and by the smell, I'm pretty sure it's the one I'm looking for.

It's still dark, I check for the time. The bright screen flashing in the dark. Apparently it's only 5:24am. Earlier than I thought, much earlier actually. That gives me a little more time before the sun rises. And to be perfectly honest, I probably need all the time I can get.

I approach the ally, I can make out the faint outline of a body in the shadows. Distant from the rest of the world. 

As I get closer, I know it's her. I mean, of course it's her, but her face just brings back so many memories. My scars starting to burn at the though of it. There is blood everywhere. A dark pool under her head, dried onto her dusty blonde hair. Staining it a dark red, nearly maroon. The wall to her left is cascading with blood, all clearly from her head wound. Damn Jack, how the fuck did you do this?

It's still dark but I can see the brass pipes lying around the brick lane. A couple dented, most likely from strikes to the walls or ground. There are bricks too, it looks just as I imagined it when Jack described it. Dull, sad, dreary.

I can see her hand out stretched, looking like she was holding her phone. Jeans ripped, shirt torn. She actually reminds me of myself after I came out of that washroom. It's odd how things like that happen, our paths only crossing due to crime and hate.

Woah, okay it's getting late, or early would be the right word I guess? Anyway, I don't have as much time anymore. I hold out the lighter, pressing the shiny casing against the metal frame of the hairspray can. I'd seen this done online before, but I've never tried it myself before. I take a deep breath in, moving closer and closer to her decaying body. I inhale sharply before flicking the lighter on, the flame glowing bright in the early morning dusk. Then suddenly pressing down on the hairspray bottle.

The flame as hot, and bright. Unlike anything I expected. But it's short lived. I step back to see if anything's caught on fire. Nothing. Her hair is singed though. That's a start.

I step closer, the lighter mere inches away from her torn jeans. I once again take a deep breath before re-activating the make-shift blow torch. The spontaneous flame engulfs almost her entire lower half. The denim fabric going up in bright, artificial flames.

I move up her body, setting her shirt and hair on fire. Totally and utterly destroying the evidence. I can see her face starting to burn off, it seems like something out of Indiana Jones. I step back and kick the remaining pipes into the now intense flames, melting off any possible fingerprints left. I don't wanna brag, but this might be one of the most stupid and most clever ideas I've ever had.

I step back to admire my work, I've witnessed countless fires in games like firewatch, but this is nothing like it. My heart is racing, I feel almost sick. I know that covering up murder with arson isn't the best idea, but it'll work at least for now.

When people find this fire, then eventually the bones and whatever else is left of the body, I'm hoping it'll be assumed an accidental death. I toss the lighter to the side of the ally, along with a box of cigarettes. Hopefully, the police or whoever ends up investigating the arson, will assume she went out to the all for a smoke, then ended up lighter her hair on fire. Since she was probably wearing hairspray anyway, it seemed like a pretty reasonable explanation. Adding the fact that it could have been likely that she was at least a little drunk, given that the Jameson Distillery is known for their whiskey. That should help the chances of whatever detective ends up investigating this, seeing it as an open-and-shut case. This should work, right? Oh god I hope it does.

\--------------------

When I get back to the apartment, it's only 6ish, 6:04 to be exact, Jack is still asleep. I had disposed of the hairspray in a neighbouring dumpster along with my hoodie because they both reeked of smoke and whiskey.

I slip back into bed and try to return to a calm state and await the next morning.

But I have a feeling it won't go so well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally a chapter that wasn't 500 words long haha
> 
> Anyway, would you like this we this as a web comic? Im still curious.
> 
> And as always, I will see you in the next chapter. Buh bye.


	13. The Next Day: Jack's Side of the Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pretty much the title, it's the day after the murder from Jack's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyo,  
> okay so, I've been feeling pretty shit the past few days, but I felt like today was a great day so I wrote some semi angsty fluff for this chapter.
> 
> Warnings: not much just the use of the f word a couple times, also mention of murder and arson
> 
> Enjoy ^_^

Jack POV

I woke up the next day, late. I didn't fall asleep until 6am. That gave me roughly an hour and a half of sleep. I should have got more sleep. I need more sleep.

But to be fair, I had just killed someone the day before, so I mean, cut me some slack.

I was awoken by the alerts going off on my phone. Just the dinging sound from twitter was enough to wake me from my light snooze. There were youtube alerts, twitter dings, and one sound that I didn't recognize. With a little confusion, I turned to the bedside table and grabbed my phone.

The foreign sounding noise was coming from the news app? 

Yes, the news app. One that I barley ever use. Anyway, the alert read.  
'Fire breaks out in Dublin distillery district'. Shit, what the fuck happened? Oh fuck, did Mark do this?

Feeling frustrated and concerned, I dash out to the kitchen where Mark is making coffee. He looks content, not like he just burned up a body and a building.  
"Mark" I say, trying to get his attention  
"Yeah, hun" Mark replies, turning around and handing me a mug of coffee. Smiling innocently.  
"What's this?" I say while leaning against the wall, showing him the news page loaded up on my phone.  
"What do you mean?" He asks in an awkward tone. Leaning against the wall in a similar fashion.  
"Oh come on, who else but you would have done this?" I argue, placing my phone under the waistband of my pyjama pants.  
"Pffshhh, it could have been anyone" he says, sounding guiltier and guiltier as the conversation continues.  
"Mark, I'm serious. I could be charged with murder and you could be charged with arson" I point out, obviously once again concerned.  
"Oh please, how could you be charged with murder when there's no body left?" Mark argues back, moving into the living room as if to physically avoid the rest of this conversation.  
"You know that murders have been solved when there are only bones left" I whine, even though I know what he did probably saved me from prison.  
"Well I don't think Dr. Brennan is going to Ireland anytime soon" Mark jokes as I follow him into the living room.  
"There are plenty of other forensic anthropologists in Ireland that would be more than happy to solve her murder" I say while placing my mug down on the coffee table.  
"You'll be fine, the fire was hot enough to destroy the security cameras inside the building and you have her phone and took the battery out, right?" Mark points out, joining me on the couch.  
"So you admit it? It was you who set the fire" I accuse while turning to face Mark. He looks like he's on the verge of crying.

He breaks down, grabbing on to me, digging his head into my chest, sobbing.  
"Yes.... Okay... It... was me" he sobs between sniffles. Looking up at me, eyes rimmed with red. A few tears still rolling down his cheek. I pull him back into my chest, rubbing my hand up and down his back.  
"Shhh Mark, it's okay.... Well It's not okay but, you get the point" I whisper, trying to calm him down.  
"If the point is that I feel like crap because I committed arson for you and thought you'd be a little more grateful, then yeah, I get the point" Mark cries, he's starting to sound pissed off. I fluff his hair and say  
"Oh Mark, I am grateful, you probably saved me from a life in prison. Thank you, even if it meant a double crime, I'm still grateful" trying to reassure him, but struggling not to cry myself.  
"Thank you Jack, just know that I did it for you, I love you" Mark says shyly.

Those words. Those three simple words.

That was the first time Mark told me he loved me. It made me feel better, much better than I had in months. Who knew that arson and murder would end up being the reason he told me?

"I love you too, Mark" I say before jokingly adding "I love you with a _burning_ passion"

"Oh shut up" Mark says through a laugh while lightly punching my shoulder. "I love you to _death_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone catch the bones reference???  
> im a huge fan of bones so i had to put it in there.
> 
> I also wrote this straight off a chicago fire marathon so I had to put in a fire... ugh im a nerd
> 
> And, how great were those puns at the end?? pretty great, right? XD  
> I should write the script for undertale tbh.


	14. 'Normal'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are back to 'normal', whatever that means...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmk so this is a super short chapter, there will be a new one tomorrow, I just thought that the subject matter of the two chapter was so different that they needed to be posted separately.
> 
> I don't know of you guys like the shorter chapters, but you're gonna have to deal with my odd writing style anyway haha  
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Also, im gonna do a little more Mark POV because I feel like I've been doing more Jack POV than Mark.
> 
> Ugh these notes are longer than I expected.
> 
> Another also, I really, really love this fic, but I can't continue it forever, once it sadly ends, I think im gonna do an NYPD AU, so tell if you would be interested in reading that, even though I'll probably write it either way. (And yes, I am cop show trash, It's mentioned in this chapter haha)
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this chapter (despite how short it is)

Mark POV

Everything's better now. Everything's calmed down.

I'd say life is back to 'normal', whatever that means.

I guess there is no proper definition for the word 'normal'. Is it the way things were before? Is it what things are supposed to be like? Is it what's socially acceptable? I guess it's just one if those words that people throw around aimlessly, like 'nothing' or 'hate'. We use them often despite not actually knowing what they mean. 

Holy balls, I'm getting off topic.

Anyway, things are back to 'normal'.

Well, we're both still paranoid and anxious. But I guess we should have expected that. Jack has been unable to watch any cop shows of any kind because of the topic of murder. Which is a real shame because he really likes cop shows. But on the other hand, I can't bare myself to cook because I can't stand being near extreme heat anymore. Which is also a real shame because I love cooking (and Jack loves food in general).

But other than that, life is good. Just half and hour after I left the crime scene, the fire was reported. And only minutes later, the fire department was there putting it out. And obviously her body was found, or rather what was left of her body was found. Jack and I watched the live news cast the whole time. It was really, really hard for Jack to watch. But he knew it would be one of the last times the subject was brought up. So he bared through it, as did I.

As I'd hoped for, her death was ruled accidental. I actually planned the whole thing pretty well. With all the alcohol that was in the distillery district, the authorities would assume that she'd been drinking, and that could potentially raise the chances of her catching fire. If you recall, I also through some cigarettes at her before leaving. That way, it would leave a quite possible scenario for the arson - she'd been drinking, maybe a little tipsy, then went the the ally to have a smoke, only to set fire to her hair accidentally.

I thought it was pretty clever at the time, but looking back on it, there were so many variables and assumptions. I think whatever detective was working the case just got lazy and wrapped it up nicely for the D.A.

Just a simple open-and-shut case for everyone else. But for me and Jack, it was life changing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey I warned you, I said it'd be short...
> 
> yeah anyway, I really love writing this, I just hope you guys are liking it as much as I am xD 
> 
> Sorry about any accidental typos, I tend to make a lot of em...
> 
> Also, I've been told i say "I guess" too much when writing, but im gonna keep doing anyway ^_^
> 
> im also a comment whore so give me some love in the comments xD
> 
> Im sorry that I use keyboard faces too much...
> 
> I actually have a new septiplier fic about that if you wanna read more of my odd, odd writing habits. ("Read - 6:47pm")


	15. Silence.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silence.  
> Complete Silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okayyy, kinda a late chapter, sorry.
> 
> im gonna try to make these notes shorter today haha
> 
> fyi, bob and wade are in this chapter and they might seem very oc, sorry. I don't watch them very often...
> 
> right, so this fic is coming to a slow end, I think this'll be the third last chapter, maybe forth last. I really love this story but I'm also getting really excited for my next chaptered fic which will be called 'Faoi Chlúdach'. The name is a bit of a give away to the storyline btw. Anyway, that's going to be a pre-written NYPD AU that'll hopefully be as long/longer than this one. It'll be out sometime in June, I think.
> 
> The uploads this week might be even less frequent than they've been in the past. I'm co-writing chapter 17 with another author, so that might take a while...
> 
> there might be some typos ugh.
> 
> Yeah, that's pretty much it, Enjoy!!

Jack POV

"Jack" I hear from underneath me. It's Mark. I'd almost forgotten I'd fallen asleep on his chest. We were watching re-runs of 'How I Met Your Mother'. It was always such a good show, it was like the new 'Friends' but a little more relatable for me personally.

"Jack" I hear again, Mark repeating himself, trying to get my attention. I open my eyes, blinking as I look around. Netflix was still playing quietly on the screen to my right. I look down at myself. I'm wearing a dinosaur onesie Mark had bought for me. It was basically the only good thing that came out of that day at the mall. I turn my head to the floor to see my glasses half floating in my coffee mug. Goddamit, I must have dropped them when I fell asleep.

"Jack?" Mark ask again, more confused than anything else at this point. I stare up at him, he's looking back down at me questioningly.  
"Why are you blinking so much?" He asks with a slight giggle in his voice.  
"I just got adjusted to my new glasses, now I don't have them and it's weird, okay?" I protest, sounding annoyed, but honestly not feeling sorry for myself.  
"That's because you dropped them in your coffee, ya silly" Mark laughs while reaching down to retrieve my glasses from the now cold beverage.  
"Well I'm sorry, I didn't exactly mean to" I protest once again while receiving my still slightly wet glasses from my boyfriend.  
"Why did you have your mug on the floor anyway?" He asks, obviously a little confused, still with the same joking tone as before.  
"Hey" I scold sarcastically, my Irish accent coming out stronger as I get more aggressive "Don't question my motives"  
"Whatever you say, man" Mark laughs again, fluffing my bright hair in the process.  
"Oh don't you 'man' me, I'm literally lying on top of you" I point out, mirroring Mark's joking demeanour.  
"You frickin homo" Mark shouts sarcastically. This whole conversation is becoming quite laughable.  
"Shut up" I say, sitting up but still on Mark's lap. "Is there a reason you woke me up, because I was having quite a nice nap"  
"Ya doof, we're filming a collab with Bob and Wade in 10 minutes, now go get changed into something more... reasonable and log onto Skype" Mark says, gesturing to my outrageous pyjamas, sitting up to flip the spiked hood onto my head.  
"But I like my onesie" I say, fake pouting while tracing a finger down my cheek.  
"I know it's cute and all, but put on something else, maybe your blue hoodie, you look so good in that" Mark says, eyeing up and down my chest like its the last time he'll ever see me.  
"Fine, fine" I finally respond, planting a soft kiss on his cheek before standing up and meandering off to our bedroom. 

It's nice to know that Mark thinks I look good in my favourite clothes. That's something no girl ever told me.

\--------------------

"Hello everybody, and welcome back to Prop Hunt! I'm here with Bob, Wade and my beautiful boyfriend _Séan_ " I can hear Mark shout through my headset, enunciating my birth name as much as he could.  
"Shut up, ya doof" I shout back through the Skype call.  
"No, both of you shut up and stop flirting" Wade cries exasperatedly as the game begins, Mark and I on the props team.

There's a bit of an awkward pause before it's filled with laughter.  
"Welcome to the b-b-b-BONERCAST"

\--------------------

(a couple minutes later)  
"Hey Wade!! Mark's a barrel on the ground floor" Bob calls out to his partner a little louder than was necessary.  
"Mark you son of a bitch, I thought there was something up with those barrels" Wade shouts back in the same nearly screaming fashion.  
"NO!! No get Jack, not me, get him" Mark whines pleadingly to the other Americans while swapping prop forms and quickly shuffling away from the 'muyskerm' player icon.  
"What??!" I complain back "I let you hog all the blankets at night, and this is what I get!?" I sound a little more terrified than I actually am, but it's all in good fun.  
"Quit being so goddamn domestic and play the freaking game" Bob snaps back into the Skype call, running after Mark.

In that instant, Wade comes out from behind the corner screaming and shooting in every direction.  
"MARK I WILL KILL YOU AND BURN YOUR BODY YOU FREAKIN SLY WEASEL" He shouts furiously but jokingly, shooting Mark's player dead on.

Silence.

Complete silence. 

"Are you guys okay?" Wade asks hesitantly, obviously confused.

Silence.

"Is there something wrong?" He asks again, becoming more and more concerned.

Silence.

"Guys...?" Wade asks for the third time. I would answer but it's all a bit of a shock.  
"Yeah, yeah we're here" Mark starts "Sorry we have to go. Jack, could I see you in the living room for a while?" He continues, although his question is really more of a command.  
"Yeah... uh I'm coming" I respond slowly, exiting Gary's Mod and ending our Skype call before making my way to the living room.

I don't know why I'm so nervous, I shouldn't be. What's the worst thing Mark could say.

Wait... Fuck... Oh god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phheww, another chapter done.
> 
> ***IM SORRY IF MARK CAME ACROSS AS HOMOPHOBIC AT THE BEGINNING, THAT WAS PURELY A JOKE***
> 
> Yeah, I mentioned the bonercast bc it's my favourite episode of prop hunt. And I mentioned prop hunt because its one of my favourite series haha
> 
> And yeah, im weird, I leave mugs on the floor very often, I don't know why I wrote that in, but I did.
> 
> also, CAN WE TALK ABOUT JACK CUDDLING MARK IN A DINOSAUR ONESIE FOR A SECOND. holy god that'd be cute.
> 
> comments/kudos are much appreciated ^_^


	16. Show Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I just feel like there's so much about love that you're missing" He finished.
> 
> "Show me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow okay, so this chapter is shorter than I expected, but it is a chapter none-the-less.
> 
> Yeah, short chapter, lots of emotion.
> 
> I'm trying to get better at writing diolouge, I've been doing some practice writing so i hope this isn't too bad.
> 
> Ugh, anyway, here ya go, chapter 16: Show Me

Jack POV

"Mark!! What the hell was that?" I questioned aggressively while storming after the older man, still angry that Mark had totally ruined the recording session.  
"Jack, I know we said we wouldn't talk about this anymore, but-" Mark shouted back at me as we both made our way into the living room.  
"But what?" I cut him off "We said we wouldn't talk about it for a reason. You know how much this bothers me" I snap back.  
"Jack, we need to have one final discussion about this" Mark insists, flipping on the lights. That's a relief to hear, I though he was just gonna break up with me or something. Talking about what happened with _her_ isn't much better, but Mark is my anchor. Without him, I'm lost, drifting alone in a sea of hate.

"Oh stop beating-round'-the-bush and stop saying 'this', tell me what you want to say and do it quick before I get anymore rilled up" I shout angrily, flopping down on the couch and turning in Mark's direction. I'm still anxious, I don't know what he's gonna say. I just hope it's nothing too serious.

"Okay, fine. Are you sure you wanna talk about this now, not at a time when you're less... less-" He stutters, fading off into the kitchen.  
"Less angry? And no, I'm fine, no time like the present" I start, before adding "And what are you in the kitchen for?"  
"You're gonna need some wine" Mark says, lifting up a bottle of red and pouring me a glass. His tone of voice is a lot more calm than before, I think we can be more civilized about everything now.

"Probably" I agree "Now what on earth could you want to say?" I finish while Mark walks back into the room with a glass of wine for me and some water for himself.  
"I'm just..." Mark ponders, looking for the right word to say, sitting down next to me on the couch.  
"You're just what?" I question, taking a sip from my glass, I usually don't drink wine, but it takes the edge off this sensitive conversation.  
"I'm just... concerned for you" He states, splashing the water around in his own glass.

"Concerned for me??" I ask, sitting up on the couch, utterly confused by Mark's absurd feelings.  
"Well, it's just that... I feel like you've never felt real love" Mark voices slowly, it's such an odd thing to say, I think I should feel offended but I can't help the shy smile visible on my lips.  
"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask, pretending to sound annoyed while setting my wine glass down on the coffee table.  
"I just mean that your only major relationship ended in rape and hatred" Mark justifies, standing up, slowly pacing around the open space between the couch and the dining table, not even caring about triggering me anymore.  
"And that shouldn't be anything to be concerned about, certainly not for you to be concerned about" I say while walking over to where he is, leaning against the marble-slab counter.  
"I dunno" Mark responds, shyly rubbing the back of his neck with the hand that isn't propping him up against the marble "I just feel like there's so much about love that you're missing" He finished.

"Show me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do I call this one? How about cliffhanger pt 3 haha
> 
> As usual kudos/comments are cool, I always love to hear what you guys think about the chapters ^_^
> 
> And thank you to everyone who puts up with my annoying 'update' chapters xD
> 
> I have a new series called 'The OTP High School' that I'm really excited to continue, so check that out if you so desire.
> 
> Long notes today, soz
> 
> Also, we are almost at 4000 hits, how great is that!!?!
> 
> And as always, I will see you, in the next chapter. Buh bye *waves*


	17. I'm Ready (Show Me Pt.2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pretty much could be summed up in 4 words:  
> awkward first time sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowza it's been a while, but alas, I am back.
> 
> So.... Um.... As some of you may know.... Im a smol asexual and cannot write smut if my life depended on it. But I did (sorta). I've known since probably chapter 3 that I wanted this story to have smut. That being the 'Mark shows him what love is really like' from the prompt.
> 
> At first I was gonna co-write this with my sister (archiveofourphan), but she kinda really hates me so that didn't work out.   
> P.S she is actually a really good smut writer, but she only posts fluff on ao3, her tumblr is a mess though.
> 
> Anyway, some of you may have noticed that I didn't change the rating, it's still at mature. That's because even though some (adult) stuff happens, I really do believe that this story is about Jack's recovery and not about the sex.
> 
> So incase you're not comfortable with smut, this is me telling you, THIS IS NOT A NORMAL CHAPTER, THERE ARE SOME LESS-THAN-KID-FRIENDLY ACTS PORTAYED. okay I think that's enough.
> 
> ahh long notes.
> 
> Back to the fic, I literally have no talent for smut writing, so I did cut the scene a bit short. I just wasn't really that comfortable with writing it.
> 
> But yeah, this is basically awkward, not sexy at all, first time sex.
> 
> Enjoy...? I guess, im not even sure anymore

"Show me" I say while jumping up onto Mark's slightly taller form, legs wrapped around his waist. He managed to catch me safely which was a relief.

"What?" He asks, he sounds confused and a little disoriented from my sudden jump.

"Well apparently I've never felt _real_ love before" I say a little quieter and even more calm than my last remark "So show me" I finish.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Mark once again asks, double checking for consent, I have a feeling that's going to be happening a lot in the next few hours.

"Can I make it anymore obvious?" I sarcastically say ask Mark begins to kiss my neck.

To make things clear, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm sure Mark does, well because he's been with guys before. When on the other hand, I haven't. Mark knows that I'm a virgin, at least when it comes to guys. So I'm not exactly sure how everything is supposed to go, but I'll just follow his lead.

I'm still latched onto his chest, legs around him and arms draped over his shoulders. He's holding me at my thighs, I can tell he's taking extra care not to drop me.

"Mark" I say, though it's more of a moan.

"Yeah" He responds, looking up at me, lust in his eyes.

"Bedroom" I nearly command, my heart is racing, but I know Mark would never hurt me.

He doesn't respond, but keeps sucking dark, open mouthed kisses to my neck, while carrying me the short distance to our bedroom. He kicks the door open and finds his way to the bed where he pushes me down onto it. 

I stare in awe as he nearly rips his flannel off, leaving it forgotten on the floor. Then returning his attention back to me. His tanned body chest exposed, toned abs clearly visible, and damn it's sexy. Mark nearly tackles me into the bedding, this time, kissing me full on, not the neck.

"... _Seán_ " He moans my full name, which usually annoys me, but there is certainly nothing annoying about having Mark-fucking-Fischbach straddling me in a full-blown make out session. The kiss is slower than usual, I have a feeling that's how it's going to be, Mark's probably scared he'll break me or something.

I feel entirely too hot in my hoodie, zipping it down and throwing the blue clothing aside along with my shirt underneath it. Mark takes a second to stop and admire my now bare chest. It's riddled with many more scars than the last time he'd seen me shirtless. Which is actually a rare occurrence because I find myself quite pale and lanky.

"Is it _that_ bad?" I ask while trying desperately to cover up the darkest scars.

"It's beautiful" Mark says kindly, his line of vision still directed in my direction. Mark has always been so accepting of people with scars. Whether it's his fans, or other people, he's always said how badass scars are. But I'm pretty sure he wasn't talking about self-harm scars. I just hope he finds the beauty in how many 'days clean' I am.

But his staring is short lived, the next second he's back at it, flipping me over so that I'm pinning him down onto the bed. It's a rather foreign feeling to feel Mark's bare chest so close to mine, don't get me wrong, it's not a bad feeling, it's just... different.

"You're... wearing too many... clothes" I hear Mark say between breaths, both my and his breathing is hot and heavy, flustered would probably be the right word.

"So are you" I remark into his mouth, I can feel Mark's hands hesitantly sliding lower on my legs, slowly shuffling me out of my sweatpants.

I'm to busy worrying about Mark seeing the more outrageous scars on my thighs to realize that he already staring at them. I kick off the pants still remaining at my ankles before pulling my knees up to my chest.

"I'm sorry... they were from before I met you" I choke out, referring to the dark slashes lacing up and down my thighs. It pains me to look at them, but it's hurting Mark more. I just stay there, frozen, still thankful that the lights are dimmed.

"But... How?... Why?" Mark asks, obviously shocked by my past self-harm.

"I'd love to tell you one day, but I don't think now is the time" I say, gesturing to the 'situation' that's now clearly evident in my boxer-briefs.

I once again sit in awe as Mark slides his jeans off his body and casts them aside near his flannel. It's not unusual to see Mark left with only his underwear, that's often how he records, but every time I see him like that, it still flusters my heart. I'm so nervous, I'm nearly shaking. But it's Mark, I trust him, and I love him, through everything we've been through together in the past two months. He gave me the time I needed to be ready for this, and I'll give him my everything.

"Are you sure you're okay with this, all of it?" He asks, gently bringing himself back onto my body, straddling me in a similar fashion as before. As I assumed, he's making sure I consent.

"Yes, Mark. I want this" I say reassuringly.

He's back at my neck, same place as before, but sucking harder. He's a bit less gentle, which I have to admit, I like a little better.

"Fuck yes.... _Mark_ " I moan, not even caring how standard my dialogue is, all I care about is that Mark continues. Taking my moan as a guide, Mark begins to suck hickeys into my skin in an alarmingly visible place.

"But babe, below the collar line, please" I say, cringing at the use of 'collar' "And no oral, please no oral.... for obvious reasons"

"Of course" He replies quite simply, Mark is so good to me, I have a feeling we're going to be doing this a lot more often.

Mark grants my request, moving his head down to my torso, slowly kissing over my scars. My hands are tangled in his fading red hair as my breathing quickens. I'm happy Mark doesn't reject my scars, he isn't disgusted my them, he isn't repulsed by them. It's quite the opposite actually. Even if I don't/can't really see myself as _sexy_ , I'm glad that Mark can.

"Jack... Your body... it's so... Beautiful" Mark utters between kisses to my only-slightly-tonned abs.

I don't know if it's the praise, the kisses or Mark sliding himself lower on my body that's stopping me from replying, but I just can't seem to get any words out of my mouth. I make barley audible grunts and yank at his hair in the place of words But that's enough for Mark to know that he's affected me given that he hums in response against my abdomen. 

When he gets to the band of my underwear, Mark looks up at me as if to get permission to take them off. His muddy, lust-filled eyes staring up at me, prompt an almost immediate reaction from myself. Nodding eagerly as he takes the elastic waist in his teeth, slowly moving himself down my legs and bringing what's left of my clothing with him.

Now totally naked, with an almost totally naked Markiplier at the foot of our bed, the panic begins to set in. My breaths become even more heavy and frequent than they already were. I probably look anxiety struck because Mark spits my boxer-briefs out onto the floor and returns to my side, cuddling me up against his chest.

"Jack, hun. Are you okay? Because I swear, if you're not ready we can stop. Just say the word an we'll st--" Mark stutters, now triple, no, quadruple-ly checking for my consent.

"No, no I swear I really do want this, I just need a moment to myself, please" I cut him off, pleading for a chance to reassess the situation.

"Totally, I'll just... I'll go get the lube from the bathroom, I'll be back in like a minute, is that okay?"

"Yeah that's good" I smile, thankful that Mark is understanding, he's always been so understanding.

I sit up on the bed, propping myself up with my arms behind me as Mark leaves the room. It's been a while since I've done this with anyone. Over two years. What if I'm not good enough? What if he hates me after? Ugh I have basically 45 seconds to re-collect myself before Mark comes back. I breath slowly, trying to remember how this went down in the septiplier fanfictions I'm not even denying I read.

Okay, I got this. We got this

~~~~~

(Two minutes later)  
Mark POV

"Sorry" I begin "I didn't know how much time you needed, I guess I also needed to re-collect my thoughts"

"No, it's fine. I think I'm ready now" Jack begins hesitantly "But, Mark?"

"Yeah" I respond, still standing in the dimly lit doorway of our bedroom.

"It's just... I haven't done this since... Well, since _her_. And you know I've never been with a guy and I'm sorry that I won't be good enough for you, I just don't want to disappoint you or anything, I don't want you getting you hopes up about me, I'll probably be like the worst you've ever had an I'm sor--" Jack flushes out in one breath. He's nervous, I could already tell. It's cute, but he just needs the reassurance.

"Shh, shh Jack, baby" I cut him off "Don't even worry about it. You know I love you no matter what. You'll be amazing. Now would you please let me continue?" I smile, kindly reassuring him and subtly checking for consent again.

"Yes, please do" He's more calm now, and we might finally do this without anymore disruptions.

"Thank you, Jack" I whisper while setting the bottle I'd retrieved from the bathroom on the bedside table. Then re-positioning myself on his chest. Kissing him again, like I did before, sorta like restarting, but with less clothes.

Jack starts biting at my bottom lip, which is quite rare because I'm almost always the dominant one, usually initiating our romantic encounters. It's a nice change, Jack is slowly become more confident again. 

Taking his biting as a sign, I attempt to slip my tongue past his lips, which he graciously accepts. Slowly sucking my kiss swollen lips in the way I usually do.

"...Jack" I moan "My boxers"

With that, he pushes us up so that we're in a more sitting than straddling position. Jack slowly moves his hands down my sides. Gliding his fingertips over my body nervously, but still somehow confidently. He locks his thumbs under that top of my underwear, pulling away from my lips.

"May I?" He asks, this time it's him who checking for consent. His Irish accent comes out thicker as he builds more confidence.

I nod in response, similar to how he did before. I'm glad he has more confidence in himself. He's more forward, the more do-or-die attitude he had when I met him. I'm glad he's slowly building a 'normal' life. Whether it's a normal social life, love life and, heck, sex life, he's slowly piecing his life back together.

With my consent, Jack hesitantly slithers my boxers all the way to my ankles. Where I kick them off as he re-connects our lips, pulling us back down onto the bed. I take the opportunity to grind my hips down into his, no clothing to separate us, just his body against mine. 

"....Mark" he whimpers against my lips. "Could we get going here?"

"Yeah, totally" I blurt out, feeling around on the bedside table for a bottle I know is there. "And I know I this is probably annoying by now, but, you still sure this is what you want?"

"Absolutely, just, please forgive me if I'm terrible"

"Stop saying that, you'll be fine. Better than fine, you'll be awesome if I'm being totally honest" I remind him, sitting up with his legs on either side of my body.

I can feel Jack's chest raise sharply as I snap the lid off the bottle in my hand.

"Shh, Jack. I won't hurt you"

"I know, I'm just... I'm a little worried" He shyly admits. I can see a small degree of fear in his eyes.

"Worried about what?" I ask. There are plenty of things to be worried about for his first time so I'm trying to narrow down what he's referring to.

"It sounds stupid... Never mind"

"No, please tell me, I want to make sure you're 100% okay" I say lovingly, pausing my current activity to listen to what Jack has to say.

"Does it... Like does it hurt?" Jack asks is the same shy manor.

"To be honest, yes" His chest peaks again. "But I promise I will make it as painless as I can. Just be prepared for a little burning sensation, okay?"

"Okay, and thank you" He thanks timidly.

"Anything for you, hun" I wink, making sure to have a _generous_ amount of lube on my fingers. Settling myself between Jack's legs, I press a finger against him.

"Ready?" I check for the thousandth time.

"Mm hmm" Jack nods, biting his lip and closing his eyes.

He looks so hot like this. I still don't understand how he doesn't see it. I still don't understand why people say I'm the hot one and Jack's the cute one. Yes, Jack can be an adorable smol bean, but he's also _so_ sexy.

With Jack consent, I _finally_ push into him. Slowly and carefully, only going knuckle-deep, staying careful not to hurt him in any way. I push in the rest of the way. He's so damn tight it's outrageous.

"....Another" he chokes out, licking up the blood he drew from biting his lip so hard. I follow what he says and press another finger against him, gently pushing in before I hear Jack quietly hiss.

"You okay?" I question, I would never forgive myself if I hurt him.

"Yeah.... It's just... Different" He whispers, it's funny, he doesn't even realize how cliché that is.

"Do you need a minute?"

"No, I'm fine, please, continue" Jack smiles, opening is eyes to make eye contact with me. His eyes are so blue, even in the dim light.

I continue, as requested, pushing the second finger in. Gently sliding in and out, help Jack get used to the stretch. This is probably the longest lead-up to sex I've ever had, but it's worth it for Jack.

"....You can add... another" Jack says bashfully. Keeping the same lip-bleeding, cheeks-reddening expression.

"This'll be when it'll start to sting more, okay?" I attempt to prepare him, but I don't know how he feels, it's been years since I bottomed.

"Yeah, just get on with it"

I do as I'm directed, pushing a third finger into his entrance, slowly scissoring, taking the time to excessively stretch him. As Jack begins to hiss again, my first reaction is to distract him from the pain, instinctively reaching down to take him in my hand.

"....Fuck....Mark" Jack moans. "Keep fucking going"

I'm a sucker for praise like that, really any complements at all. I know I get them all day and all night on youtube, but I'm also not fingering my viewers (except of course Jack) so it's different.

I start to scissor my fingers, lazily thrusting into the Irishman. His bright green hair nearly plastered to his pale forehead with nervous sweat. The noises he makes are better than I could have ever imagined, ever dreamed. It's kinda a shame that Jack hadn't had sex in about two years, male, female or really anyone, he could have expertly rocked some people's worlds. But I get him all to myself now, so maybe it's better this way.

I really hope he isn't in too much pain, but using his moans as a guide I think he's okay, actually better than okay.

"Mark... I think I'll be fine" Jack informs me, I agree, I think he's gotten used to it. Granted, fingering isn't the same as... well y'know... but he can handle it.

"Yeah, yeah" I say, leisurely sliding out of him, however, accidentally brushing against Jack's prostate in the process.

"Holy-heaven-on-earth. What the fuck was that?" Jack shouts, only the words of a gay sex virgin.

"Jack, honey" I start, chuckling under my breath "That was your prostate"

"...Oh..." Jack slightly turns his vision away from me, embarrassed but his mind was obviously somewhere else.

I retrieve the bottle from where I'd put it down on the sheets. Making sure to have a more than sufficient amount, keeping with the general goal of not hurting Jack.

Looking at him now, I truly cannot express in words how much I love this man.

"Y-you ready?" I ask, lining up to Jack, more nervous than I'd expected.

"Yeah uh... Y-yeah I'm ready"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *detaches self from all family*
> 
> Yeah I ended it kinda abruptly...
> 
> As always, comments are great, criticism, feedback, anything really ^_^
> 
> ugh why did i post this
> 
> stay cool, stay safe :33


	18. Noah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten years later, "No, but like, _how_ did you get it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hah long time no see.
> 
> anyway, this is the last and final chapter, i feel shitty about not posting for months, but i hoped i wrapped it up nicely :')
> 
> //also this chapter isn't even proof read btw//
> 
> enjoy!!

"Dads, I'm home" Noah's voice rang through the halls of a quaint suburban house.

The boy tossed his keys down onto a coffee table as he set his bag down beside him in the couch. He sat there, fiddling with a loose thread in the furniture until he heard footsteps coming from his right.

Making his way down the stairs was one of Noah's dads; Mark Fischbach. He strode across the room and say himself down next to Noah who was still seated on the couch.

"How was school, kiddo?" Mark ruffled his son's hair, smiling.

"Ugh, the worst, everyone thinks it's so funny to bully kids..." He paused and made his way to the kitchen "And by kids, I mean me. Why so they have to do that?"

He slammed the fridge door shut, pouring himself a glass of water as his father followed him into the kitchen.

Mark frowned, the last thing he wanted was for his very own son to be bullied. He couldn't even thing about how horrible it would be if Noah was being bullied about having "gay dads".

"Ahh cheer up, whatever they say about you doesn't matter" Mark nearly cringed at how cliché that was, but he brushed it off because, well, it was true.

"Who's sayin what about who?" Another voice entered the kitchen as Jack slid into the conversation.

"Kids are bullying Noah at school"

"Aw what bastards" Jack exclaimed, moving the group back over to the couch where the conversation had began, "Don't listen to em', tiger"

The three of them crashed back down onto the couch, Noah placing his glass of water down on the coffee table in front of them.

"I know... I just get mad sometimes..." Noah began, "Y'know, I just wanna kick them or something... Make them just shut up"

Mark and Jack shared a look. A worried look. Mark quickly spoke.

"Woah, Noah, look, you don't have to beat kids up to make them be quiet. There are other ways to solve problems"

"Oh what do you know about beating people up" Noah flung his arms over his chest, turning away from his dad he made an annoyed huffing sound.

Mark and Jack shared another look. A different look. A 'should we tell him?' look. They had never divulged any information about anything that went on with _her_. Never mentioned that they'd committed murder and arson. Never mentioned that one Noah's very own dads had been raped. Never mentioned that the other one had beat up said rapist in a mall washroom. Nothing. They hadn't mentioned anything.

Mark turned to face Noah, spinning the boy back around to face him and his husband.

"We know what you mean" Mark brought Noah's face up to his, he made sure Noah was taking in every word he said, "We know what it's like to want someone to shut up. To want to so bad you'd beat them up"

Noah began to look angry, "Really?" He crossed his arms again, "Prove it"

Mark looked over at his husband, as if asking for some sort of permission. Jack slowly nodded, scooting closer to the American's body.

Mark took the edge of Jack's shirt in his hands, he lifted it up just passed the other's belly button. Roughly two inches above Jack's hips, was a large dark scar. He'd acquired it after being involved in a well known altercation in an alley behind the Dublin Distillery District.

Noah's face lit up, not know how or why one of his dads had this 'badass' scar.

"Woah, how'd you get that?" He asked, intrigued as if it was the coolest thing he'd seen all year.

"Your father got in a bad fight with a mean woman" Mark thought carefully about how to word his next sentence, "Fighting is not something that solves problems, Noah. It makes them worse"

Noah nodded hesitantly, still curious about how his dad had gotten that scar.

"No, but like, _how_ did you get it?"

Jack chuckled faintly.

"Well son, it all started with something your Uncle Felix said..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all sticking with me as i struggled in the world of multichaptered fics, i'm truly grateful for all the support!!
> 
> thanks you for reading, and stay cool, stay safe :33


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